There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
