Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
