Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
