We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
