I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
