Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
