Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
