you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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