Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
