There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Of course I have a pirate flag
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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