it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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