im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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