Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
