so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
