based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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