3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
