Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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