Say something about gay babies.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
