i may or may not be watching the land before time
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
