We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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