I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
