Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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