He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
