he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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