Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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