I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
