I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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