she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
