I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
