Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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