I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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