dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You smell like stripper and shame
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
