I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
