somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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