New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
