This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
