I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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