All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
