Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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