If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
