i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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