you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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