im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
