State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
