woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
