It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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