Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
