I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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