I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
