honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
