Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
