How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
handjob tips. give me some.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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